Lyrics:

Your call is important to us
We'll be with you soon, that you can trust
Your call may be recorded for quality purposes
Thank you for calling Emergency Services
Due to Tory cutbacks still in place
The average wait time is approx. five days
We hope this hold music isn't repetitive
And your emergency isn't time-sensitive
If you're in danger but able to write
You can download a contact form via our website
Or sending us an email is also fine
With 'police', 'fire' or 'ambulance' in the subject lin?
We hope that you're fin?, we hope you'll pull through
'Cos you're number 12,006 in the queue
And until Keir Starmer has improved waiting times
Here's some advice the Tories left behind
If your car has been stolen, drive your second car
If your house is on fire, live in your second home
If you've been stabbed, stem the bleeding with money
And for anything else BLAME REFUGEES
So thanks for calling, we promise we'll strive
To answer soon, assuming you're still alive