Lyrics:

Arin:
My name is Link, y'all, I'm straight outta Hyrule
Been on the force of good since 1986, old school
I'm bringing you a laid-back summertime jam

Danny:
Hold on a minute, Link!

Arin:
Hey, what's up, old man?

Danny:
I see that you're embarking on another epic quest
You're gonna use your Ocarina to rescue the Princess
But you'll need a magic weapon that'll never ever miss
It's dangerous to go alone, take this!

Arin:
Oh thanks, old man, that is really very nice
I can always count on you for help and friendly advice
Though I've never seen a sword of quite that shape or size
Oh god, that's not a sword, it's your dick in disguise

Danny:
Yes, I can't lie, I have painted my shween
Now grab your destiny, if you know what I mean!
Wait a minute, Link! Don't leave the cave! Where do you think you're going?
This is a great chance to fondle old scrotum that you're blowing!

Arin:
That was weird but whatever, there is no time to lose
I've gotta to warp right now to Zelda in this chilled out groove
Wait, this isn't Ganon's lair, I'm in Liberty City!
This place looks just like Philadelphia but even more shitty
I'm at the corner of Dead Cop and Prostitute junction
Something in my Ocarina must have gone and malfunctioned
I gotta fix it quickly, there is justice to do

Danny:
Hold on a minute, Link!

Arin:
Old man, is that you?

Danny:
This is a place you can't survive with just your sword and your wits
It's dangerous to go alone, take this!

Arin:
Well that's really kind of- duh! That's your wrinkled dick again!
Look, I know I wear a tunic, but I'm not into men!

Danny:
Don't be that way, bitch, let me introduce you
To my three best friends: Mr. Johnson and the Juice Crew
If you see the Princess Zelda, well, you know you're gonna grab her
So why don't you try to come grab my inflatable poo jabber?

Arin:
OH MY GOD!
I've gotta warp out of here, Princess Zelda awaits
I must defeat Ganondorf before it gets too late
Okay, now I really don't know where I am!

Danny:
Hold on a minute, Link!

Arin:
GODDAMMIT OLD MAN!

Danny:
You're in Raccoon City, it's a zombie abyss
It's dangerous to go alone, take-

Arin:
NO! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! I'M NOT GIVING YOU A-
NOT TOUCHING YOUR WE-
STOP THE CHILLED OUT GROOVE!
JEEZ!
YOU'RE COMIN HERE TELLIN ME YOU GOT A WEE-WEE WEAPON
IT'S NOT COOL, I'M NOT GONNA TOUCH IT, I'M NOT GONNA SPLFF-
NO!

Danny:
So is that a no on the handjob, or?
Okay