Lyrics:

You may be a sharp dresser,
You may be a fantastic dancer,
You may be a lively conversationalist,
But what happens at the end of the evening
When the time comes to show how you feel?
Unless you can kiss with confidence, all your fancy dressing,
Dancing and talking won't get you a second date.

I'd meet a boy I really liked,
I'd start to win his heart,
Come the time to kiss good-night,
I always fell apart.

I'd giggle like I had no brains,
Or else I'd start to cough,
I thought my perspiration stains,
Would turn a fellow off.

She was nervous,
She was too shy,
She was breathless,
Lips were too dry,
Hands were shaking,
Didn't know why.

Do you want to kiss this person? Then be honest,
What is keeping you from kissing with confidence?
Worries. Some of them can be put to rest
If you ask yourself a few simple questions before kissing.

Is your breath fresh?
Do your have spinach on your teeth?
Is your deodorant strong enough?

You may also find yourself worrying about
What will happen once you are in the act of kissing.
Will your stomach growl? Will your braces lock?
Will you be able to prolong the kiss and still breathe?

Will I spoil it with my overbite?
Will our noses bump in the moonlight?
When our lips meet, will they fit right?

These worries are best cleared from the mind
By the romance chant method, a technique
Which will also place your lips naturally in kissing position.
'Hableme el unico del mundo, digame: Como te hace ese sonido,
Tan glorioso, que aun hora con anticipacion de el,
Me ha reducio a un bestia, gruendo, entusiomandose y palpitando.'
Practice this chant in the morning as you rise,
In the evening as you retire and just before a date.

Once you have mastered these techniques
There is only one worry left.
Will it go too far? It never will
If you remain alert to these danger signals:
Heavy breathing, wandering hands, strong heartbeats.
A nice way to maintain self-control without offending
The other person is to say 'I'm not ready to handle what
I think is coming'. Then you both go home and daydream.
Tomorrow you can start again fresh.
Remember - you can not get pregnant from kissing.

I put an end to worrying, I learned the way from Will,
He showed me kissing with confidence is an acquired skill,
When my boyfriends get too hot I can cool 'em down (down, down),
Now I'm kissing with confidence everywhere in town.

In the schoolyard,
At the front door,
In the laundromat,
At the drug store,
At the car wash,
In the back seat,
At the Dairy Queen,
On a side street.

(In the basement,
On the rooftop,
At the drive in,
At the stop and shop.)

Once you can kiss with confidence,
Think of others these techniques will help.
Do you know someone who drools when he kisses,
Or burps or bites? Why not do them a favor
And send them this record anonymously?

On the back porch,
At the candy store,
On the boardwalk,
By the seashore,
In the balcony,
At the malt shop,
In the parking lot,
On the blacktop.

(Hey, c'mon, wanna kiss?
Pucker up.
Want another one?)