Lyrics:

If a girl isn't pretty
Like a Miss Atlantic City
All she gets from life is pity and a pat
Kindly name a star who hasn't won
A contest or a pageant?
If she hasn't, she just never gets to bat

She must a-shine in every detail
Like a ring you're buying retail
Be a standard size that fits a standard dress

When a girl's incidentals
Are no bigger than two lentils
Then to me, it doesn't spell success

From three faces that could cause ya
To have temporary nausea
Do I have to hear a lecture such as that?
Is a nose with deviation
Such a crime against the nation?
Should I throw her into jail or drown the cat?
So she looks a bit off-balance
She possesses golden talents
Or is that a pill too bitter to digest?

Oh, she's got very nice deportment, hmm
But when they see that assortment, mmm
From the gallery they'll be throwing fruit