Lyrics:

Archie
There's the cool kids
There's the preps and there's the skate punks and the jocks
And then there's me
There's the losers, there's the nerds and there's the stoners and the goths
And then there's me

But then there's you
'Cause you're the new kid in the school
You're not defined by one specific breed
Which means you're free to flit from group to group
From scene to scene
'Cause you're the conduit, the medium, the go-between
Which means you're perfectly positioned to get me what I need!

Brett (spoken)
Yo, brain! That guy? Not cool!

Evan (spoken)
All right, got it!

Archie
They don't like me
Even back before the crutches it was clear: I don't fit here
So, it's hopeless, I can't walk right up to Kendra and say 'hey', she'd run away
But look at you!
You're making friends and having parties and adapting with impressive speed
Just twenty minutes when we're sitting so our knees could touch
Yes, it's a tiny inconvenience but it means so much
'Cause out of all of Indiana you can get me what I need

Evan (spoken)
It's impossible!

Archie
And what I need is Kendra!

Girls
Kendra! Kendra!

Archie
Beautiful Kendra

Girls
Kendra! Kendra!

Archie
Wonderful Kendra

Ensemble
Ah-ah-ah!

Archie
Make her appear!

Boys
If you want a girl the girl you want is

Archie
Kendra! Very hot Kendra!

Boys
Very hot, very hot!

Archie
Go tell Kendra I'm waiting here

Here's the problem
Every minute, every second that I wait
Might be too late
So, let's face it
If I ever had a chance the time is now, so who cares how?
Just do your best
And I won't bother you again and that's a promise guaranteed

So, you can help me out and we can both do very well
Or I can turn around and make your life a living hell
It's up to you, you got a choice, you got incentive to succeed
Yes, I know it sounds insane
Jerry Lewis can explain
You've got to help me, Evan
Help me, Evan
Help me, Evan
Help me, Evan
Help me, Evan!

Get me what I need!