Lyrics:

Now, I've Got A Cousin Called Kevin
he's Sure To Go To Heaven
always Spotless, Clean And Neat
as Smooth As You'll Get 'em

he's Got A Fur Lined Sheepskin Jacket
my Ma Said They Cost A Packet
but She Won't Even Let Me Explain
that Me And Kevin We're Just Not The Same

oh, My Perfect Cousin
what I Like To Do He Doesn't
he's His Family's Pride And Joy
his Mother's Little Golden Boy

he's Got A Degree In Economics
maths, Physics And Bionics
he Thinks That I'm A Cabbage
'cause I Hate University Challenge

even At The Age Of Ten
smart Boy Kevin Was A Smart Boy Then
he Always Beat Me At Subbuteo
'cause He 'flicked To Kick'
and I Didn't Know

oh, My Perfect Cousin
what I Like To Do He Doesn't
he's His Family's Pride And Joy
his Mother's Little Golden Boy

his Mother Bought Him A Synthesiser
got The Human League Into Advise Her
now He's Making Lots Of Noise
playing Along With The Art School Boys

girls Try To Attract His Attention
but What A Shame, It's In Vain, Total Rejection
he Will Never Be Left On The Shelf
'cause Kevin, He's In Love With Himself

oh, My Perfect Cousin
what I Like To Do He Doesn't
he's His Family's Pride And Joy
his Mother's Little Golden Boy