Lyrics:

I Play In A Band

we're The Best In The Land

we're Big In Both Chelsea And France

i Play One Mean Guitar And Then Score At The Bar

there's A Line Of Chicks Waiting For Their Chance

so Come On Now Honey, I'll Make You Feel Pretty

these Other Gals Mean Nothing To Me

let's Finish These Drinks And Be Gone For The Night

'cause I'm More Than A Handfull You'll See



[chorus]

so Kiss Me I'm Shitfaced

i'm Soaked I'm Soiled And Brown

in The Trousers She Kissed Me

and I Only Bought Her One Round



i Can Bench Press A Car

i'm An Ex Football Star

with Degrees From Both Harvard And Yale

girls Just Can't Keep Up

i'm A Really Love Machine

i've Had Far Better Sex While In Jail

i Designed The Sears Tower

i Make Two Grand An Hour

i Cook The World's Best Duck Flambe

i'll Take The Pick Of The Litter

and Girls Jockey For Me

i Don't Need These Lines To Get Laid



[chorus]



i'm The Man Of The Night

a Real Ladies Delight

see, My Figure Was Chiseled From Stone

one More For The Gal Then I'll Escort Her Home

come Last Call, I'm Never Alone

i Own A House On The Hill With A Red Water Bed

it Puts Hugh Hefner's Mansion To Shame

with Girls By The Pool And Italian Sports Cars

i'm Just Here In This Dump For The Gain



[chorus X2]



ahh, Fuck It. Who Am I Shittin'



i'm A Pitiful Sight

and I Ain't All That Bright

i'm Definitly Not Chiseled From Stone

i'm A Cheat And A Liar

no Woman's Desire

i'll Probably Die Cold And Alone



but Just Give Me A Chance

cause Deep Down Inside

i Swear I Got A Big Heart Of Gold

i'm A Monogamous Man

no More One Night Stands

come On, Honey Let Me Take You Home