Lyrics:

He had what you might call a trivial occupation
he cleaned the platforms of the local railway station
with no romance in his life - sometimes he wished he had a wife

He read the matrimonial advertising pages
the cries for help from different people, different ages
but they had nothing to say, at least not until the day,
when something special he read, this is what it said

If you dream, of the girl for you, then call us and get
two for the price of one
We're the answer, if you feel blue, so call us and get
two for the price of one

He called the number and a voice said 'Alice Whiting'
the voice was husky and it sounded quite exciting
he was amazed at his luck, the purest streak of gold he'd struck
He said, I read your ad, it sounded rather thrilling
I think a meeting could be mutually fulfilling
why don't we meet for a chat, the three of us in my flat
I can't forget what I read
this is what it said

If you dream, of the girl for you, then call us and get
two for the price of one
We're the answer, if you feel blue, so call us and get
two for the price of one

She said I'm sure we must be perfect for each other
and if you doubt it you'll be certain when you meet my mother