Lyrics:

It's A Condom What costs fifty pence a packet?

What fits in your wallet late at night?

What protects you more than Edward Woodward would?

And it's alright when it's out of sight.

Yeh it's a Condom

It's a Condom

It's a Condom

What makes you s-s-stutter in the chemist?

What's just a harmless rubber thing?

What's like a placca mac on a midget?

But it's there to protect your Ding A Ling.

Yeh it's a Condom

It's a Condom

It's a Condom

Why is the word disgusting?

Why do they make them red and blue?

What would give the pope a heart attack?

But it safeguards the likes of me and you.

Yeh it's a Condom

It's a Condom

It's a Condom

Two dog's were standing having a chat when one turns to the other one

and says 'you know when you go round shaging all these other dogs,

do you wear any protection ?' and the other dog says 'no DU-REX'.

What's never mentioned in the birds and the bees?

What's more precious than the wife?

What can you trust it's not a question of lust?

It's there so you don't ruin your life.

Yeh it's a Condom

It's a Condom

It's a Condom