Lyrics:

MC:
All right, it's time to begin the press conference with Governor Schwarzenegger.

Schwarzenegger:
Yes, you've all heard of Meet the Press, I call this Press the Meat.

MC:
Now, now, Gov. Schwarzenegger, what do you think of the critics who say that you lack the experience necessary to run the state of California?

Schwarzenegger:
Well, a lot of people don't know this, but for many years I served as Mr. Universe. During that time, I successfully ensured that the Earth never got too close to the sun, causing us all to burst into flames. I think if I can do that for the universe, California-a-a will be a piece of strudel.

MC:
Now, Governor, the environment is a cause that is very near and dear to the hearts of many Californians. How can you reassure us that our children will have clean air to breathe?

Schwarzenegger:
I plan to take a trip to Mars. When I get there, I will activate an ancient alien reactor deep in the planet's core there, thereby releasing pure clean oxygen for generations to co-a-me.

MC:
Well, at least you're a man of honor.

Schwarzenegger (MC + Lady, simultaneously, plus all of 'arounds' in chorus):
Yes, yes, I got on her. And I stayed on her.

Back in Hollywood I was a stud at movie sets (stud at movie sets)
I treated women badly, but I did not have regrets (did not have regrets)
I'd tease 'em and I'd squeeze 'em, but I wasn't after sex (wasn't after sex)
Since I'm a bodybuilder I was checking out their pecs (checking out their pecs)

They call me the Fondler
They said that I fondled her
My hands went around and around and around and around and around

Now up in Sacramento I'll sit at a pass reversed (sit at a pass reversed)
I'm reaching out to everyone, just touching women first (just touching women first)
I don't see any problem if I'm grabbing a few rears (grabbing a few rears)
Compare that to what Davis has been doing to you for years (doing to you for years)

MC + Lady:
It seems Mr. Universe
Was just a bit perverse

Schwarzenegger (MC + Lady simultaneously for all "arounds"):
My hands went around and around and around and around and around

Schwarzenegger (MC + Lady):
Now since my wife's a Kennedy (oo ah)
When my sex life caused a fuss (oo ah)
Her uncle said to me (oo ah)

Ted:
Er, ah, Arnold, my boy, er, ah, now you're one of us

Schwarzenegger (MC + Lady):
Well, now, I'm the type of guy who will admit when I am wrong (will admit when I am wrong)
I'd like to say I'm sorry to the ladies in this song (ladies in this song)

MC:
So Arnold acted badly, that really isn't news

Lady:
You know he's acted badly if you've read his film reviews

Schwarzenegger (MC + Lady, MC simultaneously for "hounds"):
The people are hating how (oooo&.)
I'm like Bill Clinton now (oooo&)
'Cause I'm a hound a hound a hound a hound a hound

MC + Lady:
Ooo&ah&

Schwarzenegger:
California, yeah!