Lyrics:

She's pretty, she's amazing, I think I'm in love with her
I love the way she smiles at me over breakfast
She's pretty, she's amazing, I love the way she calls me 'Sir'
She really listens to me, she's my waitress

She's my waitress, if I need a cup of coffee
She's my waitress, if I want a slice of pie
She's my waitress, she'll come back until I've had enough

She's my waitress, from her orthopedic shoes
She's my waitress, up to the chewing gum she chews
She's my waitress, she's the waitress I love

She's pretty, she's amazing, hey, though she's had a brush with the law
It's been a while since her last arrest
She's pretty, she's amazing, everybody's got their little flaw
She's rehabilitated now, she's my waitress

She's my waitress, oh, she's poppin' Percocets
She's my waitress, yes, and smokin' cigarettes
She's my waitress, Lord knows, that morning crowd is tough

She's my waitress, from her orthopedic shoes
She's my waitress, up to the chewing gum she chews
She's my waitress, she's the waitress I love

She's my waitress, her brother's name is Billy
She's my waitress, you know he'd probably beat me silly
She's my waitress, if he knew what I was thinking of

She's my waitress, yes, and maybe someday
If she's my waitress, I'll have the nerve to say
'Oh, waitress, you're the waitress I love'