Lyrics:

Praline (Whistles A Bit, Then) Hello. I Would Like To Buy A Fish License, Please
postal Clerk A What
praline A License For My Pet Fish, Eric
clerk How Did You Know My Name Was Eric
praline No, No, No! My Fish's Name Is Eric. Eric Fish. He's An Halibut
clerk What
praline He Is An Halibut
clerk You've Got A Pet Halibut
praline Yes, I Chose Him Out Of Thousands. I Didn't Like The Others, They Were All Too Flat
clerk You Must Be A Loony
praline I Am Not A Loony. Why Should I Be Tarred With The Epithet 'loony' Merely Because I Have A Pet Halibut I've Heard Tell That Sir Gerald Nabarro Has A Pet Prawn Called Simon - You Wouldn't Call Him A Loony! Furthermore Dawn Pathorpe, The Lady Show Jumper, Had A Clam Called Stafford, After The Late Chancellor. Alan Bullock Has Two Pikes, Both Called Chris, And Marcel Proust Had An 'addock! So If You're Calling The Author Of 'a La Recherche De Temps Perdu' A Loony, I Shall Have To Ask You To Step Outside!
clerk All Right, All Right, All Right. A License
praline Yes!
clerk For A Fish
praline Yes!
clerk You Are A Loony
praline Look, It's A Bleeding Pet, Isn't It I've Got A License For Me Pet Dog Eric, I've Got A License For Me Pet Cat Eric
clerk You Don't Need A License For Your Cat
praline I Bleedin' Well Do And I've Got One! Can't Be Caught Out There!
clerk There Is No Such Thing As A Bloody Cat License
praline Yes There Is
clerk No There Isn't
praline Is!
clerk Isn't!
praline Is!
clerk Isn't!
praline Is!
clerk Isn't!
praline Is!
clerk Isn't!
praline Is!
clerk Isn't!
praline Is!
clerk Isn't!
praline What's That Then
clerk This Is A Dog License With The Word 'dog' Crossed Out And 'cat' Written In, In Crayon
praline Man Didn't Have The Right Form
clerk What Man
praline The Man From The Cat Detector Van
clerk The Loony Detector Van, You Mean
praline Look, It's People Like You What Cause Unrest
clerk What Cat Detector Van
praline The Cat Detector Van From The Ministry Of Housinge
clerk Housinge
praline It Was Spelt Like That On The Van. I'm Very Observant. I Never Seen So Many Bleedin' Aerials. The Man Said Their Equipment Could Pinpoint A Purr At Four Hundred Yards, And Eric Being Such A Happy Cat Was A Piece Of Cake
clerk How Much Did You Pay For This
praline Sixty Quid And Eight For The Fruit-Bat
clerk What Fruit-Bat
praline Eric The Fruit-Bat
clerk Are All Your Pets Called Eric
praline There's Nothing So Odd About That. Kemel Attaturk Had An Entire Menagerie Called Abdul
clerk No He Didn't
praline Did!
clerk Didn't!
praline Did, Did, Did, Did, Did And Did!
clerk Oh All Right
praline Spoken Like A Gentleman, Sir. Now, Are You Going To Give Me A Fish License
clerk I Promise You That There Is No Such Thing. You Don't Need One
nb The Tv Version Continues.....the Album Version Continues Below
praline Then I Would Like A Statement To That Effect Signed By The Lord Mayor
(Fanfare Of Trumpets. Mayor Gorgeously Dressed With Dignitaries Enters Flanked By Trumpeters.)
clerk You're In Luck
(In Long Shot Now. The Mayor, Who Is Nine Foot High, And Dignitaries Approach A Startled Praline. Organ Music Below A Reverent Voice Over)
Tv Version Finishes - Continuation Of Album Version
praline In That Case Give Me A Bee License
clerk A License For Your Pet Bee
praline Correct
clerk Called Eric Eric The Bee
praline No
clerk No
praline No, Eric The Half Bee. He Had An Accident
clerk You're Off Your Chump
praline Look, If You Intend By That Utilization Of An Obscure Colloquialism To Imply That My Sanity Is Not Up To Scratch, Or Even To Deny The Semi-Existence Of My Little Chum Eric The Half Bee, I Shall Have To Ask You To Listen To This. Take It Away, Eric The Orchestra-Leader