Lyrics:

My girlfriend looks like Peggy Mount
What am I supposed to do?
I'm up the creek and never mind the paddle boy
I haven't even got a canoe

I sold my soul to an Arctic Roll
I went to hell on a red skidoo
I did the Shake'n'Vac and broke my fucking back
And now my library books are nine weeks overdue

Knock, knock
Who's there?
The patron saint of Llandudno
The patron saint of Llandudno who?
Tony Bastable

You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours
And I'll be in heaven before you

I love you because you look like Jim Reeves