Lyrics:

Mavis couldn't quite make it on Saturday
Berryl was stuck on the tube from Victoria
Cheryl and the rest had all found new boyfriends
The only one left was the one in his head
So he busied himself, quite amusing himself by abusing himself

All of his life he had wanted one true love
One girl he could worship all day out all night in
Alas all the girls he had met in his short life
Were girls who always quite looked like his dad's wife
So he busied himself, quite amusing himself by abusing himself

Oh dear what a pity, a pity, what a shame, oh what a shame
Girls on glossy paper, never quite the same, not quite the same
Always saying sorry, never quite the same, not quite the same

Sitting one evening wrapped up in the TV
His doggy insists that he must find a tree
So he puts on his coat and he searches around
For a platinum lighter he dropped on the ground
And he bruises himself where he uses himself for abusing himself

Out in the park he was walking his doggy
He saw a young lady who made him feel soggy
He spoke to her softly, she made not a sound then
And he realized that his match he had found
She was losing herself, quite amusing herself by abusing herself