Lyrics:

[Verse 1]
I'm quite the sped, I never shred
Not cool
(Not cool)
But my bros all call me Itch
(With the silent B)
But that spells Bitch
(Fits you perfectly)
Chaz Bono dickbag, word fuck tick, not cool
(Not cool)
And I smell like regret and tequila
(What's that even mean?)
I have no idea
(You're livin' the dream)

[Pre-Chorus]
Hey you, you dance like those assholes I see
In old Molly Ringwald movies
I think you're as uncool as me
Hey you, you dance like those assholes I see
In old Molly Ringwald movies
I think you're as uncool as me
And I dance!

[Chorus]
They don't think you're all that cool
They like you for your step-dad's pool
They don't think you're all that cool
But your vampire fiction rules

[Verse 2]
I'm such a tit, I say dumb shit
Not cool
(Not cool)
And my friends think that I like men
(That's because you do)
Don't even listen to them
(No one's judging you)
John Goodman gut, slow kid haircut
Not cool
(Not cool)
Do you like Renaissance fairs?
(Where'd you get that scarf?)
Tis what thy lord doth wear
(I'll be in the car)

[Pre-Chorus] + [Chorus]

Dancin' with myself, in the dark, on the ceiling
Dancin' with myself, in the dark, on the ceiling
And I dance!

[Chorus]

Let's go to Civil War reenactments
Throw some back and yell \'too soon!\' at them
Let's go to Civil War reenactments
Warning, spoiler alert!