Lyrics:

I've been a bad boy this year
I'm not gonna get any Christmas gift
Santa's rules are very clear
I get a lump o' coal on the 25th
My stocking won't contain
No treat or candy cane
You see a bad boy, right here
Santa will skip me on this year's shift

[Okay, listen now...]

You'll get no trip to Spain
If you're crawling in the fast lane

No winter coat for you
If you piss beside the loo

[Let's kick it up a notch, shall we?]

Forget about that laptop case
If you drew a big dick on your sleeping friend's face

(Ain't that the truth?)

You'll get no bottle of wine
If you cheat when you play online

That's just wrong, and you know it you bastards!

I've been a bad boy this year
I'm not gonna get any Christmas gift
Santa's rules are very clear
I get a lump o' coal on the 25th
My stocking won't contain
No treat or candy cane
You see a bad boy, right here
Santa will skip me on this year's shift

[Alright, hang on...]

You won't get a rock guitar
If you robbed an armored car

You'll get no pajama dress
If you work for the IRS

[Yeah, that escalated quickly, didn't it? Wait, it gets worse...]

Forget about those poker decks
If you date your best friend's ex

And definitely no watch for you
If you ask a woman when she's due

...and it turns out she just... could use a little exercise...

All together now!

I've been a bad boy this year
I'm not gonna get any Christmas gift
Santa's rules are very clear
I get a lump o' coal on the 25th
My stocking won't contain
No treat or candy cain
You see a bad boy, right here
Santa will skip me on this year's shift
Santa will skip me on this year's shift
Santa will skip me on this year's shift