Lyrics:

The waiting room, what a place for our first kiss.
Isn't it weird that we both have the same therapist?
All my time with you is so precious.
I know we'll probably wind up being Mister an Misses.
'Cause I wined and dined you at 'The Ritz', remember that?
Oh, I drank so much I got the shits, remember that?
I got you that facial, then that massage, what about that?
But you never would let me give you a colonic.
What was up with that?

Whatever...

I'm not stalking you, I'm just calling a lot.
I'm not trying to upset you - Seriously, I'm not.
Who's this Kevin guy I think I should know?
I didn't give up three weeks of my life just to let you go.

Oh no, I don't give up that easy.
Come on, I think we could work it out, see?
For nineteen days we were in love you fucking bitch.
Oh my god, what did I just say?
I didn't mean it.

But you took your dog and all the booze, and I got jack.
Hey, y'know what?
Those Betsy Johnson skirts and Prada shoes,
I want those back.
Give'em all back to me, 'cause you know what?
I'll fuckin' wear'em.

I'm not stalking you, I'm just calling a lot.
I'm not trying to freak you out - I'm not.
Oh, I saw that Kevin guy, I thought you should know.
He seems nice, but it's time for him to go.
That's right, I think he should get out of the picture right quick.
In fact, y'know what? I think he should probably suck my dick.
You heard me honey, I said suck my dick.

I'm fine alone, don't worry about me.
I said I'm fine.
You don't underdstand, but I know that you're still mine.
We've got the perfect relationship - In my head.
Just like that one moive you made me watch, 'Ted, Bob, Carol and Alice' - Did I say Ted?
That moive, she didn't even watch.
She didn't even watch it.
She's like 'Oh it's so cool,' and it was like, completely ridiculous and...

I'm not stalking you, I'm just calling a lot.
I'm not going to fucking rape you or anything - Seriously I'm not.
Oh, where's that Kevin guy?
Have they found him yet?
Y'know they're looking in the totally wrong place - I bet.
Oh, I finally got him to suck my dick.
Yeah, why don't you suck my dick?