Lyrics:

Ooh yeah

I'm your shelter from the storm
You know I'll always have your back
I'll even let you warm
Your freezin' hands inside my butt crack
I never get out my leaf blower when Oprah is on
And when you're tellin' me about your feelings
I try not to yawn
And when we're at parties
I don't talk about your spastic bladder
When you're cleaning the gutters on the roof
I'll hold the ladder

And if that isn't love
If that isn't love
If that isn't love, I don't know what love is
Na na na na no, I guess I don't know
Ah, listen now...

There's a microscopic bit of milk left
In the refrigerator
I could've finished it off, but I quit
In case you want a tiny little sip later
And if you cut the cheese then maybe
I'll wink and say the dog's to blame
And I'll make sure to call you 'baby'
Every time I forget your name
I'll even tell you, girl, when you start lookin' fat
'Cause all your so-called friends
Would probably neglect to mention that

And if that isn't love
If that isn't love
If that isn't love, I don't know what love is
Na na na na, well then, I don't know
Oh no

Even though you made me sit through Mamma Mia!
Well, I still adore you
I'll kiss you even if you've had omelettes for breakfast
And I can't stand omelettes
After I take a bath, if it's still warm
I'll leave the water in there for you
I give you my word
You're so beautiful you make a glorious sunset
Look like a big fat turd, yeah

Every time I see you
Tryin' to lift some really heavy thing
You can always count on me to help
By sayin' something encouraging
If you get drunk and pass out
I never Sharpie up your face
And I don't wipe my nose on your couch
Even though that's a super-convenient place
I totally support every idiotic thing you do
And I almost never pretend you're someone else
When I'm makin' out with you

And if that isn't love
If that isn't love
If that isn't love, I don't know what love is
No, I don't know what love is
Well, I don't know what love is
I don't know what love is