Lyrics:

I own a secondhand furniture store and I think my prices are fair
That is until this real cheap guy came in one day
Saw this chair he wanted to buy, but he wouldn't, claimed the price was too high
So I looked him straight in his eye, and this was my reply...

If I can't sell it, I'm gonna sit down on it
Why should I give it away
Now, darlin', if you want it, you gotta buy it
And I mean just what I say

Now, how'd you like to find this waitin at home for you every night
Only been used once or twice and it's still nice and tight
But if I can't sell it, I'm gonna keep sittin' on it
I don't see the need to give it away

Now, you can't find a better pair of legs in town
And a back like this, hah, not for miles around
And that is why if I can't sell it, I'm gonna recline upon it
Why should I give it away

Because it's made for comfort, built for wear and tear
Where else would you find such a easy chair, hah-hah-hah
Oh, but if I can't sell it, I am going to remain seated on it
I ain't about to give it away

Oh, because it's lush, plush, slick and sleek
Darlin', a high class piece like this at any price is cheap
So, if I can't sell it, I'm gonna remain seated on it
I don't see the need to give it away

Now, look at this nice bottom, ain't it easy on the eye
Guaranteed to support any weight or size
But if I can't sell it, I'm gonna sit down on it
I ain't about to give it away

You know I have really had my fill of folks always comin' around with their hand
Stuck out
Want somethin' and don't want to give nothin'
Now, if you want this, put your hand in your stash and gimme some cash
If you want somethin' for free, go to the Salvation Army, don't come to me
Now this is not Saint Vincent de Paul's place, this is Ruth's place Read my lips
No free trips

And you can look at me and see I have not been starvin', darlin'
Now I have a few diamonds that I haven't even taken off to dust lately
Now you are not getting anything around here for free
Show me the colour of your money
Goodbye