Lyrics:

When I'm five
I will wash my face me hands all by myself
When I'm five
I will chew and spit tobacco like my grandfather Jones
'Cause I'm only four and five is far away

When I'm five
I will read the magazines in mummy's drawer
When I'm five
I will walk behind the soldiers in the May Day parade
'Cause I'm only four and grown-ups walk too fast

Yesterday was horrid day, 'cause Raymond kicked my shin
And mummy says if I am good, she'll let me go to school in August
Daddy shouted loud at mummy and I dropped my toast at breakfast
And I laughed when Bonzo licked my face, because it tickled
I wonder why my daddy cries and how I wish that I was nearly five

When I'm five
I will catch a butterfly and eat it and I won't be sick
When I'm five
I will jump in puddles, laugh in church and marry my mum
And I'll let my daddy do the washing-up

If I close one eye, the people on that side can't see me
I get headaches in the morning and I rode on Freddie's tricycle
And everywhere was funny, when I ran down to the sweetshop
Then I fell and bleeded-up my knee and everybody soppied me

I saw a photograph of Jesus and I asked him if he'd make me five
I saw a photograph of Jesus and I asked him if he'd make me five
When I'm five
When I'm five
When I'm oah