Lyrics:

Dad:
Right, Ben
Now, there was a portfolio directly where your derrière is now parked
What have you done with it?

Ben:
What have I done with what?

Well there's no sign of it now
You must have moved it somewhere

Must have moved what?

My sodding portfolio, Ben
Look this place is a bloody tip
I want it clean by the time your mum gets back
And please, please
Locate my portfolio

Ah, what does it look like?
Um, it's big and pink
Pink!
Um, yes, pink

Ok ok keep your hair on
Ah very funny
One missing pink portfolio
Now when did you la...
Dad, what's that smell?

Your dinner, my legendary Toad in the Hole actually
And I hope you're hungry bec...
Oh shit, shit, shit, shitty shitty bang bang, bollocks

Need any breathing apparatus in there dad?
Ben! Ben! ha ha ha...
Very funny

Oh your face
Oh dear
Oh my god Dad!
Oh look look, erm
Dinner has ah, evolved
We're now having rather well-done bangers
Served with freshly heated beans, a-la Heinz

Charcoal's really good with detoxing your intestines apparently
Right, great cool cool

Parents hey, can't live with them
Can't live without 'em
Wouldn't exist without 'em come to that
Who wouldn't exist without who?
Never mind
Right, what's on the jelly-vision tonight?

Mum's late