Lyrics:

[Gaston]
Crazy old Maurice, hmmm?
Crazy old Maurice...
LeFou, I'm afraid I've been thinking

[Lefou]
A dangerous pastime

[Gaston]
I know
But that wacky old coot is Belle's father
And his sanity's only \'so-so\'
Now the wheels in my head have been turning
Since I looked at that loony, old man
See, I've promised myself I'd be married to Belle
And right now I'm evolving a plan

[Gaston]
If I . . . (whisper)

[Lefou]
Yes?

[Gaston]
Then we . . . (whisper)

[Lefou]
No! Would she . .

[Gaston]
(whisper) Guess!

[Lefou]
Now I get it!

[Both]
Let's go! No one plots like Gaston

[Gaston]
Takes cheap shots like Gaston

[Lefou]
Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Gaston

[Gaston]
Yes, I'm endlessly, wildly resourceful

[Lefou]
As down to the depths you descend

[Gaston]
I won't even be mildly remorseful

[Lefou]
Just as long as I (you) get what I (you) want in the end

[Gaston]
Who has brains like Gaston?

[Lefou]
Entertains like Gaston?

[Both]
Who can make up these endless refrains like Gaston?
And his marriage we soon will be celebrating
My, what a guy
Gaston!