Lyrics:

(spoken)
Hildy: Wish I had one of them horses that's on a stick. Put it between your legs, jump up and down with it. Those are fun!

Billy D: Hildy?

Hildy: Yes Billy D?

Billy D: I was perusing the interweb the other day in search of new and interesting forms of pornography and I came across something very interesting that juxtaposed against Aunt Momma's missionary position on alcohol.

Hildy: Oh, she didn't like alcohol

Billy D: No she did not. But this here fact kind of undermines that position. Which I assume is a bad position. The key figure in her mythology, a Mr. Jesus, apparently used to turn water into wine.

Hildy: No shit?

Billy D: Yes, and I have an idea. I'm looking around the room here and I see a lot of people with Aquafina. I'm thinking if we find Jesus and get him down here, we could take that Aquafina, turn it into wine, take this punk rock party up a notch. What do you say?

Hildy: I say hey Jesus!

And behold there was an angel
And she took me by the hand
Led me deep into the chamber
Mother's belly underground

I found comfort in this darkness
As a child in the womb
Unafraid my eyes were open
Silent angel filled the room

And Mr. Jesus (hey Jesus!)
Saved our party (hey Jesus!)
With his wine (hey Jesus!)
It's the legend of the sour grapes

She bade me peer through yonder portal
To heaven just before the sun
And behold the morning angel
Whispering 'follow me now son'

With her light as though a finger
Pointing to the outer wall
Traced a path of five directions
And behold a holy star

And Mr. Jesus (hey Jesus!)
Saved our party (hey Jesus!)
With his wine (hey Jesus!)
It's the legend of the sour grapes

(spoken)
Hildy: Okay now Billy D, this Jesus, he sounds awful talented.

Billy D: Very.

Hildy: Now, do you think, you know how I make that spinach dip and I put it in the sour bread bowl? Now, do you think he could take my spinach dip and turn it into something maybe a little more useful like, I don't know, cocaine?

Billy D: I believe he can. You see, I was cruising his wikipedia file, and as it turns out, Mr. Jesus was a very talented fellow. He could not only clear up eczema, work, uh, work on your, uh, acne, fix retards, and get this - master of watersports. So I don't think it's that much of a stretch. He could not only turn your awful spinach dip into cocaine, I think we could skip right over the wine, take that water, turn it into tequila.

Hildy: Fuckin' A Jesus, he's amazing!

Jesus (hey Jesus!)
Saved our party (hey Jesus!)
With his wine (hey Jesus!)
And cocaine (oh Jesus!)
It's the legend of the sour
Legend of the sour
Legend of the sour grapes