Lyrics:

There's a portrait on my wall
A map of a friend
A comfort whene'er I call
On whom I can depend
My imaginary back door
I have a saint Bernard
Oh, my lord
In my big backyard

Dispatches from the pound
I receive in my dreams
Black tears of white and brown
That's a rip on the scheme
And life won't seem to hard
If I had a Saint Bernard
Oh, my lord
It wouldn't be so hard

Who else is going to rescue me
When I'm face-down in the snow?
No other dog looks a bit like me
I'm feeling
Or unwilling
Unable to make the show

In my imaginary backyard

There's a flask around his neck
A brandy for me
Sip on as I reflect
On your mortality
Like a four legged Minnie Maud
I'm talking Saint Bernard
On a four
He's my Minnie Maud

I'm talking Saint Bernard