Lyrics:

If I were gay
I'd see the world a different way
If I were gay
You'd look at me, but not that way

Politically, I'm incorrect
In every way
The church would like to
See me burn and call me names

Fruit, Fruit everywhere
It's in the way you shake your derriere
Fruit, Fruit all the way
So take your best friend and kiss him
Like you just don't care

Remove the she
Insert the he
The song's the same
And if you feel a little queer
Don't refrain

And lesbians
They are my friends, they are my friends
If I were lesbian
I'd want my girlfriends' friends