Lyrics:

[Intro]
Ladies and gentlemen
I'm extremely proud and the last stop is extremely proud to present: Mitch Hedberg!

[Mitch]
I have to record the CD, so I have to tell all the jokes I have
I've never recorded a CD before, I've told a lot of these jokes before. Ha ha ha ha, but I gotta put em on a CD now, see?
It's all gonna spread it out
All these jokes on a CD right here
These are the CD jokes
Thought of it today, I whittled the list down today
These are the jokes that I could think of today, which means these are the CD jokes
I might think of another one that won't be on this list, and I might throw it in, in a moment of spontaneity that you won't be able to detect
Cause you won't notice that it's not on the list
But I will be proud of the spontaneity
And you'll see it in my stride
So don't fuck up the bass tonight, Chuck
Cause we're on a CD here
So fuckin keep it, keep it goin. Don't fuck up a scale. These jokes all gonna go right here

So I wish I could play Little League now, I'd kick some fuckin ass
I'd be way better than before
Backup now? All right

That joke kicked off the CD right there
Kinda weak man

I got a ant farm, but them fellas didn't grow shit
They'll buy some carrots maybe for me
I like carrots

I dressed up for the CD