Lyrics:

Note LW is Lawrence Welk, -L is a Lemmon sister,
LS is the Lemmon Sisters, LL is Larry Looper,
SS is Stoney Stonedwell, AL is Alice Lean,
SM is sailor matey, SC is sailor captain

Note LW is done in a parody of Lawrence Welks accent.
I will spell this phonetically in a few places
Where it is important, but if I did it consistently,
LW would be unintelligible.

LW Thank you, thank you and good evening friends.
Were coming to you once again from the beautiful
Aragon Ballroom on Lick Pier at beautiful Santa
Monica Beach, California. Weve been getting lots
Of cards and letters from you folks out there in
Television lant and we surely do thank you for... ah...
For... ah... for all the cards and letters from you
Folks out there in television lant. Starting us off
Tonight is our trio the Lemmon Sisters and
Girls what are you going to sing?
-L Were going to sing Thank You For All Those Cards
And Letters You Folks Out There in Television Land.
LW Lant!
-L Lant
LW And now an appropriate number. A-wun and a-too and a-
LS Thank you for all those cards and letters
You folks in television lant
We wonder where this television lant is
Could it be a couple of miles from where Diney Lant is
Oh, well never the less you guys and gals in

LW What is that noise there?
LS - bunch of palsy-walsies -

LW Oh, it's the bubble machine. Turn off... just a moment...
I... hold it just a moment please... turn off the bubble
Machine... please turn off the bubble. Thank you Lemmon Sisters
For that lovely number. Wunerful, wunerful. And now on with
The show. Heres that man with the deep, deep voice,
Larry Looper. Larry, What are you going to sing for us, Larry?
LL I'm going to sing Thank You For All Those Cards and Letters.
LW I'm sorry, that number has been taken.
LL Well. I'll sing The Funny Old Hills then.
LW Good. A-wun and a-too and a-
LL I-
LW Hold it just a moment. The bubbles don't come till the end
Of the program. Turn off the bubbles. Thank you Lar- thank you
Larry Looper, for that wunerful number. Now I would like to
Play a short instrumental medley based on the names of girls.
A-wun and a-too... no... no, that's not it... thank you so very much. And
Now heres that young man about town from the brass section, Stoney
Stonedwell, to sing Please.
SS Please. Lend your little ears to my plea -
LW What is the matter with that machine. Here, hit it with your
Horn... hit it... here... stick your mouthpiece in it there.
Wunerful, wunerful. And now on with the show. Heres our
Champagne lady Alice Lean. Alice is going to sing
Moonlight and Shadows. A-wun and a-too and a-
Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in twenty-five years
My popping finger is caught in my cheek. Will you give me a hand
There, Alice... here, pull my arm... no, the other arm... just pull
It...
Pull it... that's it.
AL Moonlight and shadows and you in my arms
And the melody in the bamboo tree my sweet
Even in shadows
LW Hold it, somebody stop the bubble machine. The whole ballroom is
Lathering up with bubbles. And now I can't see the cameras. Here, let
Me set that accordion down on the stage and I'll try to fix that. Bear
With us, folks just a moment please. Gee, the time is running out and
We haven't even played the polka. Wait a minute, boys, I
Didn't mean... hold it, Alice, don't polka on my accordion.
Gee, Dad, it was a Wurlitzer. Hit the theme, boys. And so it's
Goodnight from all the champagne... wheres the cameras... there's so
Many bubbles I cant... and so, friends, we... help, the whole ballroom
Is shoving off to sea...
SM Sure is a clear night, aint it, Captain?
SC Yup, matey, these are the kind of nights when the sea plays
Tricks on ye.
SM Yeah, I recollect one night off Singapore...
SC Tricks, I say, like that mirage off the port bow now.
SM What?
SC See it there, kinda bubbly looking in the moonlight?
SM Oh, yeah. Gee, if I didn't know better, I'd say it looks
Like the Aragon Ballroom.
SC Yeah... dee-deedee dee-dee dee dee dee-dee
SM Hey, that's a catchy chantey you're humming there, Captain.
What is it?
SC Oh, I don't know. Just keeps running through my head.
SM Lets go below and catch a little shut-eye.
LW Help! Help! Wunerful, wunerful. Turn off the bubble machine.
Help... help...