Lyrics:

Couple of guys sittin' 'round drinking
Down at the Starlight Bar.
One of em' says, 'You know I've been thinking...'
Other one says, 'That won't get you too far.'
He says, 'This is your life, and welcome to it.
It's just working and drinking and dreams.
Ad on TV says 'Just Do It.'
Hell if I know what that means.'

The secret of life is a good cup of coffee,
The secret of life is keep your eye on the ball.
The secret of life is a beautiful woman;
Marilyn stares down from the barroom wall.

You and me, we're just a couple of zeros,
Just a couple down an' outs.
Movie stars and football heroes
Whadda they got to be unhappy about? Yeah...
So they turn to the bartender,
Sam, what do you think,
What's the key that unlocks that door?
Sam don't say nothin', just wipes off the bar
And he pours them a couple more.

Secret of life is in Sam's martinis,
The secret of life is in Marilyn's eyes.
The secret of life is in Monday Night Football,
Rolling Stones' records, mom's apple pie.

Sam looks up from his Sunday paper
Says 'Boys you're on the wrong track.
The secret of life is there ain't no secret,
And you don't get your money back.' Hey.

The secret of life is gettin' up early,
The secret of life is stayin' up late.
The secret of life is try not to hurry,
But don't wait.
Don't wait.

The secret of life is a good cup of coffee,
The secret of life is keep your eye on the ball.
The secret of life is to find the right woman,
The secret of life is nothing at all.
(Oh it's nothin' at all.)
The secret of life...

Couple guys sittin' 'round drinking
Down at the Starlight Bar.
One of 'em says, 'You know I've been thinking...'
Other one says 'That won't get you too far.'
That won't get you too far.