Lyrics:

Benny was the bouncer at the Palais de Dance
He'd slash your granny's face up given half a chance
He'd sell you back the pieces, all for less than half a quid
He thought he was the meanest until he met with Savage Sid

Now Sidney was a greaser with some nasty roots
He poured a pint of Guinness over Benny's boots
Benny looked at Sidney, Sidney stared right back in his eye
Sidney chose a switchblade and Benny got a cold meat pie

Oh! what a terrible sight
Much to the people's delight
One hell of a fight

Sidney grabbed a hatchet, buried it in Benny's head
The people gasped as he bled
The end of a Ted?

Well, they dragged him from the wreckage of the Palais in bits
They tried to stick together all the bits that would fit
But some of him was missing and part of him arrived too late
So now he works for Jesus as the bouncer at Saint Peter's Gate