Lyrics:

Parody of 'This Kiss' by Faith Hill (B.N. Chapman/R. Lerner/A. Roboff) Almo Music Corp. (ASCAP)/Warner Timberlane(BMI)/Macy Place Music (ASCAP)
New lyrics by Cledus T. Judd/Chris Clark, Cledus Crap Anthems (SESAC)/Of Music (SESAC)

I don't want another fruitcake,
I don't need another ugly tie...NO!
Heard they had a sale on go karts
Down at Wal Mart
Ho ho a good buy.
Got no money in my pocket.
Can't believe it's Christmastime.

It's the crowds that bug me
Stuck in traffic like this.
It's kids causing a commotion.
It's shop at your own risk.

It's that Tickle Me Elmo,
It's (dang) un-find-able

Christ-mas!!! Christ-mas!!!
Un-shopp-able!
Christ-mas!!! Christ-mas!!!

It can make a feller uptight.
I must have been to fifteen stores or more.
All I wanted was a Lite Brite
But they sold out last night...of course.
Time I buy my kids a swing set,
I'd be broke forevermore...

Tis the season of givin'.
Tis that time of year.
Twas the night before Christmas,
Twas a pain in the rear.
It's the credit card payment,
Its (ahhh) un-payable...

Christ-mas!!! Christ-mas!!!
Return-able.
Christ-mas!!! Christ-mas!!!

You'll see Santa hop the rooftops
Rudolph's nose will be glowin' so bright.
There's a whole lot of parents losin' sleep
Nuthin' silent about this night...

Oh, Christmas is pure promotion
Let us not forget why...
We're all out shoppin'.
We're all out buyin'.

It's the off-key caroling.
Grandma's mistletoe kiss.
It's that one string of light bulbs
You can never get lit.
It's that gallon of egg nog,
It's so (uhhh) undrinkable.

Christ-mas!!! Christ-mas!!!
Decorate-able.
Christ-mas!!! Christ-mas!!!

It's the things you buy me baby.
It's the things I buy you darlin'...yeah.
It's the crowds that bug me
Stuck in traffic like this.
It's kids causing a commotion.
It's shop at your own risk.

Its that Faith Hill CD.
They're all sold out-able.

Christ-mas!!! Christ-mas!!!
Beautiful.
Christ-mas!!! Christ-mas!!!

It's the things you buy me baby.
It's the things I buy you darlin'...yeah.