Lyrics:

One, ah-two
Ooh!

Hey, I'm feeling so dirty, you're looking so clean
And all you can give is a spin in your washing machine
I fly off to Rome to my prima bella
She leaves me in the rain with telescopic umbrella

Ah, the pain, modern love can be a strain
Ah, the pain, modern love can be a strain

I trusted my Venus was untouched in her shell
But the pearls, the pearls in her oysters were tacky as hell
For Lady Godiva I came incognito
The driver had stolen her red hot Magneto

Ah, the pain, modern love can be a strain
Ah, the pain, modern love can be a strain

I don't know why they leave me in the lurch to carry on the search
It's driving me up the wall
Pity, when I have so much passion, romance is out of fashion
Can't handle modern love at all

Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, yeah
Ooh, yeah

Hey, I worship Diana by the light of the moon
When I pull out my pipe, she screams out of tune
In Paris my heart sinks when I see the Mona Lisa
She gives me the wink, then she shows me the freezer

Ah, the pain, modern love can be a strain
Ah, the pain, modern love can be a strain

Ah, the pain, oh, the pain
Ah, the pain, oh, oh, the pain
Mama, give me the pain, oh, the pain
Yeah, the pain