Lyrics:

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a house (I would buy you a house)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you furniture for your house
(Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a K-Car (a nice Reliant automobile)
If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love.

If I Had $1000000 I'd build a tree fort in our yard.
If I Had $1000000 You could help, it wouldn't be that hard.
If I Had $1000000 Maybe we could put a little tiny fridge in there somewhere.
[We could just go up there and, and hang out. And open the fridge and stuff.
There would be foods all laid out for us. Like those little pre-wrapped sausages and things.
They have pre-wrapped sausages, but not pre-wrapped bacon.
Well, can you blame them?
Um, Yeah!]

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that's cruel)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you an exotic pet (Like a llama or an emu)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you John Merrick's remains (All them crazy elephant bones)
If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love

If I Had $1000000 We wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I Had $1000000 We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more
If I Had $1000000 We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner.
[But we would eat Kraft Dinner.
Of course we would, we'd just eat more.
And buy really expensive ketchups with it.
That's right, all the fancy Dijon ketchups!]

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that's cruel)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you some art (a Picasso or a Garfunkel)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a monkey (haven't you always wanted a monkey?!)
If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love

If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000
If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000
If I Had $1000000, I'd be rich.