Lyrics:

Dead men tell no tales
Up push the daisies 'til the soil is stale
In a powder blue tux from the farmer's sale
Mr. Big Sleep with the carp and kale

Look
Once upon a time, in the days of yore,
When the people lived fresh outta legend and folklore,
There was an old pirate who pilot a vile slang,
Had a bird perched on him that swashbuckled the same.

Pegleg navigatin' starboard to port
By the nautical starry night yellin' 'The harbor is yours!'
And you should tell him where you situate the gold,
That is unless you'd like a vacation with Davy J-J-J-Jones.

Like walk the plank for whom the shark thank
Maroon the mutineers, consume the souvenirs,
And while the shiny spoils piled higher every year,
He was suffocating slow in the box of a buccaneer.

Ten summers prior on a night like this,
Crow's nest scoped something afloat to the boat's west,
Swore it blew him a kiss, when he focused
Seen the face of an angel upon the body of a f-f-f-fish.

What the heck, frazzled, his telescope shattered, gathered himself
She was ghost, he was down the rope ladder to deck
Circled the vessel to 360, swiftly,
found nothing in the water but salt, piss, and whiskey.

Yarr, heckled by the swabbies at the bar,
He'll be the laughingstock of the Barbary Coast War like
'This dude either got two glass eyes
or he wearin' his patch on the wrong s-s-s-side!'

Now he knew what he saw, but had to prove he was raw,
So he raped and he pillaged and he feud and he brawl.
Tried to rekindle his rep via sabers and gunsmoke,
And vowed to always find her, though he never told his cutthoats.

(Hey!) Meanwhile, back in the now,
Got a brand new skeleton crew on the move out,
When they aren't manning thirty burning cannons stern abow,
They are prying shiny metals out your m-m-m-mouth.

Okay, youth wanes, old age holler wisdom and disease,
Like the scurvy made his yellow gums bleed,
And he was achy from his boots to the feather in his hat,
'til his quartermaster showed up with a stolen treasure map.

One look down and leapt off the dock-
See if you can guess where X marked the spot-
The capital was buried at sea in a cursed cave,
Only one mile from where he'd seen the mer-mer-mermaid!

Anchors up, hoist the Jolly Roger, thank you much!
Day and night with his hook hands raised and clutched,
But see the vitamin deficiency was strong,
So by the time they bumped into the island he could barely lift his grog.

Crawled off the boat, collapsed in the sand.
Prayers in the air, seashells in his hand,
And nary a high tide so grand as the one
That put the lady of the lake on dry l-l-l-land.

Well I wish I could tell you that it ended happy,
Pretend like his bones weren't practically snapping,
Pretend like her gills didn't dry up and suffer
But that's a half-dead pirate and a fish outta water.

No lies, scout's honor, got a million more,
From the burgundy lighting above the Shores of Whores,
Before your visions of grandeur go to swell those sails,
Remember dead men tell no t-t-t-tales!

Dead men tell no tales
Up push the daisies 'til the soil is stale
In a powder blue tux from the farmer's sale
Mr. Big Sleep with the carp and kale.



*scratched*
(Walk the plank into the sea.. ker splash!)