Lyrics:

[Andy Samberg]
Here’s a little story that I think you’ll like
it’s not about Shaq or Iron Mike
so buckle your seat belts it’s gonna get choppy
and listen to the tale of the time I fought Rocky
one day me and all my friends were hangin’
talkin’ ‘bout which of the girls was most bangin’
then one friend says “you know who’s really tough?
Rocky” (hit me holmes) the boxer, maaan
I said “yeah I know what about him?” he said
“he’s really tough”
no way man, I’m callin’ your bluff
I think that I could take him and to prove my point
I’ll challenge him in public (hit me holmes)
YEAH THAT’S THE JOINT
so the very next day stay true to my word
and I snuck on tv, so I could be heard
I said “Rocky if you’re out there I think you’re a nerd,
and I’ll lick you and bury you like a dog turd”
I got kicked out but the candle was lit
cause the people had to know if my claim was legit
it made the headlines then I got the call
it was Rocky (hey) and he wanted to brawl
we negotiated terms, and set the date
then I went into training to add some muscle weight
while I punched on meat in a rickety shack
he was sippin’ on wine and havin’ models rub his back
at the weigh-in, boy the tension was high
me and Rock toe to toe and eye to eye
I talked some trash we got pulled apart
I shot him one last look to strike fear in his heart
skip ahead, the big night is finally here
my body was ripped and my mind was clear
we entered the arena to the roar of the crowd
people chanting my name, I never felt so proud
faced off once more in the center of the ring
touch gloves, said a prayer, then the bell went (ding)
he hit me with a left and shattered my face
and a right sent my teeth all over the place
then another great punch caved in my eye socket
he broke my jaw and my trainer yelled “stop it!”
but nobody heard him and he crushed my ribs
blood sprayed off my face and onto some kids
they yelled out “more!” and Rocky obliged
I had to think of some way to turn the tides
so I leaned back to hit him with all of my might
took a swing but he caught me with a sucker-punch right
then a sucker-punch left and a sucker-punch right
then twenty-two consecutive sucker-punch rights
he tore off my arms and beat me with ‘em
then threw acid in my face which obscured my vision
he kicked me in the leg and fractured my shin
the bone splinter shot right out of my skin
people barfed in the crowd, they were going insane!
then Rocky punched my nose bone into my brain
I was quivering and twitching when I soiled my shorts
then Rocky pissed on me, customary in sports
the doctor came out and pronounced me dead
and that was the night I fought Rocky