She's been on her feet nearly half the damned night Bringing your beverage and your late night bite She remains cheerful, when you're nasty and tight Makes change for a 50 in dim candle light Ignoring the groping hoping you might Come across with a tip and sympathize with her plight Tip that waitress
She's getting her masters, supporting her mom Amidst the confusion she remains cool and calm She knows exits in case of a fire or bomb She knows all the words to the 23rd Psalm She handles her tray with pnash and aplomb Her brother's a Quaker, her dad was in Nam Tip that waitress
Tip that waitress, she's been waiting on you Skip the small change slap down a dollar or two Her arches are aching her lower back shot Her varicose veins hurt like hell when it's hot Her uniform' too tight, tasteful it's not She knows the specials, and they are not a lot The cook is on qualudes the busboy deals pot If she had a real job she'd quit on the spot So tip that waitress
This plea for gratuity's gone on way too long there's a time and a place where them things belong The stage and a soapbox, this is only a song To dwell on the matter much longer would be wrong And people get by, she'll get along But I think she gets off when I come on strong So tip that waitress
Tip that waitress, she's been waiting on you Skip the small change slap down a five or a two