Lyrics:

Put on your yamulke
It's time for Chanukah
Once again it's onaka
The miracle of Chanukah
Chanukah is the Festival of Lights
One day of presents?

Hell, no, we get Eight Crazy Nights
But if you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree
I guess my first two songs didn't do it for you
So here comes number three
Ross and Phoebe from Friends say the Chanukah blessing
So does Lenny's pall Squiggy and Will and Grace's Debra Messing

Melissa Gilbert and Michael Landon never mix meat with dairy
Maybe they shoulda called that show Little Kosher House on the Prairie?
We've got Jerry Lewis, Ben Stiller and Jack Black
Tom Arnold converted to Judaism but you guys can have him back
We may not get to kiss underneath the mistletoe
But we can do it all night long with Deuce Bigelow
I'm Jewish

Put on your yamulke, here comes Chanukah
The guy in Willie Nelson's band who plays harmoniaca
Celebrates Chanukah
Osama Bin Laden
Not a big fan of the Jews
Well maybe that's because he lost a figure-skating match to gold medalist Sarah Hughes-Her mama's Jewish
Houdini and David Blaine escape strait jackets with such precision
But the one thing they could not get out of-their painful circumcision
Gwyneth Paltrow's half-Jewish but a full-time Oscar winner
Jennifer Connely's half Jewish, too, and I'd like to put some more in her
There's Lou Reed, Perry Farrel, Beck and Paula Abdul
Joey Ramone invented punk rock music, but first came Hebrew school
Hey, Natalie Portmanika?
It's time to celebrate Chanukah?
I hope you get an abtronika
On this joyful, toyful Chanukah
So get a high colonika
And soil your long Johnikas
If you really, really wannaka?
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy,...
Happy Chanukah!