Lyrics:

I could learn to speak Vietnamese by myself
I could even teach it to my good dog, Ralph
I can learn to read you every book on the shelf
I could tell your fortune like the Oracle of Delphi
I could learn to tell you every flower by its color
I could even swim as fast as Johnny Weismuller
But I never could learn to get along without you
Don't you run away from me, I sure dig sex

Do I love you? Is the Pope Catholic?
Do I need you? Is a rubber band elastic?
Do I want you? Is the atom bomb drastic?
Let's be heterosexually entwined.
We fit like a Hong Kong suit, dear
I dig you more than I dig Root Beer.
Peanut butter sandwiches are pretty neat
But when you get right down to it you just can't compete with
Good old double S - E - double X is
Faster than Batman and bigger than Texas
And you're concave and I'm convex
Welcome to the world of sex

You can get love from your papa or your mama
You can get steam from a Turkish or a sauna
You can get hot from tortillas or lasagna
But you get all three when you make it with me

So.

I can't remember the words to the verse.
A short attention span is the mummy's curse,
This song started out pretty good
I'll finish it someday (knock on wood)
Mike Smith'd be embarrassed if he knew,
This is the one song of his I blew,
You never know what's comin' off next,
Do you, in the wonderful world of sex.