Lyrics:

Well don't talk to me about the Wall Street Journal
News Week, Business Week or Time.
I read The National Super Market Checkout Examiner,
and I get it in a super market checkout line.

Read all about it: do it yourself root canals
Not as simple as it may sound.
Get all the facts before you start your **GRIND**, YEEOOOWW!
Arkansas woman gives birth to bride, groom and entire wedding party.
'Aheh, Lordy, Lordy. I just hope there's enough weddin cake to go round, ahhooo.'

The National Super Market Checkout Examiner,
minds that need examining want to know.

Now you can keep your shows like 60 min (60 min),
20/20 and all others of that kind.
Just give me The National Super Market Checkout Examiner
it's the only one that lays it on the line.

Alabama woman beamed aboard spacecraft,
gives birth to alien life form.
'He's a cute little bugger. Named him Zoltar.
I just wished he'd stay away from that nuclear power plant down the road there tho,
they claim he a suckin off about 2 million megarwatz a day.
I told em, he's just a groin' boy.'

Just give me The National Super Market Checkout Examiner
it's the only one that lays it on the line.

Amazing rooster grows side burns,
plays guitar and clucks Don't Be Cruel. Hen house in an uproar.
'Yeah these hens is just mesmerized. Don't hardly lay at all no more.
Spendin all their time just listenin' to that ole rooster sing.
I mean they're swoonin all over the place.
Yeahhh, they fight for them little silk scarfs he throws every song or two
He he, heck I ain't complainin tho, he just give me the keys to his new Cadillac.'

So don't talk to me about the Wall Street Journal
News Week, Business Week or Time.
Give me The National Super Market Checkout Examiner,
and I buy it in a super market checkout line.