Lyrics:

If I got shot I bet the press would pick it up You'd like me all a lot If I got beat When camera's rolled you'd see me lying bloody in the street If a crazy stalker stabbed me or if down the stairs I fell My room would fill with flowers, And with cards to wish me well. And I'd be your happy hero 'cause you'd heard my catchy song And after being ripped apart, I could do no harm. I know that I've done nothing that a coward wouldn't do But even I might see things different, after listening to you I'd be so hot, yeah, For the sale-price of a press release Success can still be bought I'd sit so tall They'd pluck me in a wheelchair and they'd push me down the hall I'd play a song for dying kids, your eyes would start to tear That would be the ticket, to bolster my career And I'd be your happy hero and I'd sell another song And after viewing my big heart, you'd have me going strong I'd play a gentle lover in a movie for T.V. So I deserve your pity, when my wife divorces me If someone told, no, Accused of fucking teen-aged boys and beating others cold You'd side with me! And enough of your would doubt it, which would likely set me free You'd say I didn't do it and that anyone could tell, 'cause he's smooth and smart and pretty And he reads his lines so well And to be your happy hero I'd just sing another verse The more I sing, The more you would relieve me from my curse Release me from your consciousness As I bring down the floor Selling Pepsi from the stage, You yell and scream for more More, more damnit! More!