Lyrics:

I've had my pet since I was nine years old
I loved him and fed him, kept him out of the cold
But one day he attacked, I knew he didn't love me back
So I grabbed him like a football and punted 50 yards
(Now I hate pets)
Take yourself to the vet
(Now I hate pets)
Dolphins trapped in little nets
(Now I hate pets)
You little fucking screaming shit-bag
I should of let your mother
Eat you, little fucker
So I got a little birdy and I trained it everyday
He knew a thousand words, but then he flew away
But then I got him back, the fucker wouldn't shut his trap
So I took him to the bathroom
And rubbed his beak in shit
(Now I hate pets)
Spotted owls in their nests
(Now I hate pets)
Bagged a deer and made a vest
(Now I hate pets)
Birds and bees and bears and bison
Pigs and parrots and pandas
I fucking hate them all!
Was walking through the park as a snake peered from his hole
A perfect opportunity to take the bastard home
I chopped his fucking head off with my handy garden hoe
And made a lovely hat-band for my redneck cousin Bo, hee-haw!
(Now I hate pets)
10, 000 volts to the chest
(Now I hate pets)
Fed my cat some cigarettes
(Now I hate pets)
You screaming little fucking shit-bag bastard
Fuck you, you fucking pig-shit licker
Fuck