Lyrics:

@HEADLINE NEWS
Lyrics by Weird Al Yankovic
Music by Crash Test Dummies

Once there was this kid who
Took a trip to Singapore
And brought along his spraypaint
And when he finally came back
He... had... cane marks all over his bottom
He said that it was from when
The warden whacked it so... hard...

Mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm

Once there was this girl who
Swore that one day she would be
A figure skating champion
And when she finally made it
She... saw... some other girl who was better
So she hired some guy
To club her in the knee... cap....

Mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm

They got paid for their sound-bites
And sold their TV movie rights

And then there was this guy who
Made his wife so mad one night
That she cut off his weiner
And when he finally came to
He... found... that Mr. Happy was missing
He couldn't quite explain, it had always just
Been... there....

Mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm

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Anil (Bob) Kapur


'The answers to life's problems