Lyrics:

Well now friends you'll never guess it, so I really must confess it
I just met the sweetest woman of my long dismal life
But a friend of mine said, 'Buddy, just in case your mind is muddy
Don't you know that girl you're fooling with is Peg-leg Johnson's wife
And that man is big and tough and mean and grim
And he'll brain you with his artificial limb'

But next morning bright and early, I stole old Peg-leg's girlie
And I also took his wooden leg just to play it safe
But there weren't no time for laughter, 'cause he started hopping after
And I keep on running faster, but he won't give up the chase
And I'm running through the mountains with his bride
And I got his wooden leg here by my side

[Chorus:]
I'm a three legged man with a two-legged woman
Being chased cross the country by a one-legged fool
Though he's huffing and he's puffing and he shows no sign of stopping
I tell you boys this life is hard and cruel

'Cross the deserts and the valleys and those dark Chicago alleys
'Cross the mighty Mississippi to the hills of Caroline
Through the mountains of Montana and the swamps of Louisiana
Every time that I look back, he's just one foot behind
And I know he must be cold and wet and sick
But in spite of all his woes he can kick

[Chorus]

Now he's ragged and he's filthy and I'm feeling kinda guilty
'Specially in the evening when I hear him plead and beg
He says, 'Spite of all your stealing friend, I bear you no hard feeling
You can keep the derned old woman, but please give me back my leg'
For although the one you meant to take was wooden
In the dark by mistake you took my good'un

[Chorus]