Lyrics:

MRS. LOVETT: Seems a downright shame... TODD: Shame? LOVETT: Seems an awful waste... Such a nice, plump frame Wot's 'is name has... Had... Has! Nor it can't be traced... Bus'ness needs a lift, Debts to be erased... Think of it as thrift, As a gift, If you get my drift!



No?



Seems an awful waste... I mean, with the price of meat What it is, When you get it, If you get it...



TODD: HAH! LOVETT: Good, you got it!



Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop! Bus'ness never better using only pussycats and toast! And a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most! And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste!



[Simultaneously]



TODD: Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion LOVETT: Well, it does seem a waste...



TODD: Eminently practical And yet appropriate as always! LOVETT: It's an idea...



TODD: Mrs. Lovett, how I've lived Without you all these years, I'll never know! How delectable! Also undetectable! LOVETT: Think about it! Lots of other gentlemen'll Soon be comin' for a shave, Won't they? Think of All them Pies!



TODD: How choice!



How Rare!



TODD: For what's the sound of the world out there? LOVETT: What, Mr. Todd? What, Mr. Todd? What is that sound? TODD: Those crunching noises pervading the air! LOVETT: Yes, Mr. Todd! Yes, Mr. Todd! Yes, all around! TODD: It's man devouring man, my dear! BOTH: And [LOVETT: Then] who are we to deny it in here?



TODD: (spoken) These are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett, and desperate measures are called for! LOVETT: Here we are, now! Hot out of the oven! TODD: What is that?



LOVETT: It's priest. Have a little priest. TODD: Is it really good? LOVETT: Sir, it's too good, at least! Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh, So it's pretty fresh. TODD: Awful lot of fat. LOVETT: Only where it sat. TODD: Haven't you got poet, or something like that? LOVETT: No, y'see, the trouble with poet is 'Ow do you know it's deceased? Try the priest!



Lawyer's rather nice. TODD: If it's for a price. LOVETT: Order something else, though, to follow, Since no one should swallow it twice! TODD: Anything that's lean. LOVETT: Well, then, if you're British and loyal, You might enjoy Royal Marine! Anyway, it's clean. Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been! TODD: Is that squire, On the fire? LOVETT: Mercy no, sir, look closer, You'll notice it's grocer! TODD: Looks thicker, More like vicar! LOVETT: No, it has to be grocer -- It's green!



TODD: The history of the world, my love -- LOVETT: Save a lot of graves, Do a lot of relatives favors! TODD: Is those below serving those up above! LOVETT: Ev'rybody shaves, So there should be plenty of flavors! TODD: How gratifying for once to know BOTH: That those above will serve those down below!





TODD: What is that? LOVETT: It's fop. Finest in the shop. And we have some shepherd's pie peppered With actual shepherd on top! And I've just begun -- Here's the politician, so oily It's served with a doily, Have one! TODD: Put it on a bun. Well, you never know if it's going to run! LOVETT: Try the friar, Fried, it's drier! TODD: No, the clergy is really Too coarse and too mealy! LOVETT: Then actor, That's compacter! TODD: Yes, and always arrives overdone! I'll come again when you have JUDGE on the menu!



TODD: Have charity towards the world, my pet! LOVETT: Yes, yes, I know, my love! TODD: We'll take the customers that we can get! LOVETT: High-born and low, my love! TODD: We'll not discriminate great from small! No, we'll serve anyone, Meaning anyone, BOTH: And to anyone At all!