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Lyrics:
(NEWS FLASH!!!)
(scene: the press corps have descended upon the White House, a spokesperson
Begins to speak:)
“They looked in the White House and Capitol Hill
They looked everywhere for Buffalo Bill
We called every scholar, reporter, and genius
Has anyone seen the President’s penis?â€
“It ain’t in the Congress or Judiciary
It ain’t in the Smithsonian or that big ole library
An astronomer claims it was sighted on Venus
Has anyone seen the President’s penis?â€
(now the entire press corp. erupts in song:)
“THE PRESIDENT’S PENIS IS MISSING OLE’!!!
WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW, EVERY NIGHT EVERYDAY
LORD, WON’T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US
HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT’S PENIS?â€
(at this point, legendary news man Walter Cronkite returns from the moon to
Add his commentary:)
“Now Presidents have goofed up in all kinds of ways
In the 80’s we elected one missing his brain
George Washington caught a cold he couldn’t explain
And we all know the truth about Thomas Jefferson’s nameâ€
(suddenly William Randolph Hurst rises from the grave and bellows out in an
Orson Welles type voice:)
“Franklin D. Roosevelt wasn’t no square
With that raging Woodrow in his wheelchair
And all the lesbians snickered that Elenor didn’t care
And John Kennedy’s penis was seen everywhereâ€
(once again everyone breaks out in gleeful song:)
“THE PRESIDENT’S PENIS IS MISSING OLE’!!!
WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW EVERY NIGHT EVERY DAY
LORD WON’T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US
HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT’S PENIS?â€
(the scene shifts to Sen. John Glenn, wandering pensively, somewhere in space:)
“Them outer space people would laugh if they’d seen us
All this talk about cum-stains and oral coitus
Meanwhile the whole world suffers from hunger and meanness
But we’re more concerned with the President’s penisâ€
THE END?
Lyrics by Patterson Hood
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