Lyrics:

I'd like to have an argument, please.
Certainly, sir.
Have you been here before?
No,
This is my first time.

I see ¥
Well, were you thinking of taking a five minute argument or a course?

Well, what's the cost?

It's £1 for a five minute argument,
But it's £8 for a course of ten.

I think I'll take the five minutes and see how it progresses.

Very well. now,
Mr. Hayward isn't free at the moment, nor is Mr. Baker.
Here we go,
Mr. Maynard, Room 12.

Thank you.
What do you want?
Well, I was told outside

Don't give me that
You snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings

What?

Shut your festering gob - you tit
Your type really makes me puke, you pervert

What are you doing?
I came in here for an argument!

Oh, I'm sorry, but this is abuse.
Oh, that explains it.
Yes, you want Room 12A. Next door.
Thank you.

Not at all - door shuts - stupid git.
Is the right room for an argument?
I've told you once.
No, you didn't.
Yes, I did.

When?
Just now.

No, you didn't.
Yes, I did.
No, you didn't.

Excuse me.
Is the five minute argument or the half hour?

Oh, just the five minute.

Thank you.
Anyway, I did tell you.

No, you most certainly did not.

Let's get one thing straight:
I most definitely told you.

No, you didn't - yes, I did (3x)

This isn't an argument
Yes, it is.

No, it isn't.
It's just contradiction.

No, it isn't - yes, it is.
You just contradicted me.

No, it isn't - yes, it is.
No (3x)

You did just then.
That's ludicrous.

Oh, this is futile.
No, it isn't.

I came in here for a good argument.
No, you didn't.
You came in here for an argument.

Well, argument isn't the same as contradiction.
Can be.
No, it can't.
An argument is a collective series of statements
Intended to establish a proposition.

No, it isn't - yes, it is.
It isn't just contradiction.

Look, if I argue with you.
I must take a contrary position.

But it isn't just saying
No, it isn't - yes, it is.

No, it isn't.
Argument's an intellectual protest,
Contradiction just the automatic
Opposite of any statement the other person makes.

No, it isn't - yes, it is.
Not at all.

Now, look
Good morning.
What?

That's it.
Good morning.

I was just getting interested.
I'm sorry, the five minutes is up.
That was not five minutes.
I'm afraid it was.
Oh, no, it wasn't.

I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue anymore.
What?

If you want to go on arguing
You'll have to pay for another five minutes.
But that was not five minutes, just now - oh, come on.

If you want to continue arguing,
You must pay for another five minutes.

Oh, fine.
Here.
Thank you.

Well?
Well what?

That was not five minutes, just then.
I told you, you have to pay.

I just paid.
No, you didn't. - yes I did
No, you didn't.

I don't want to argue about that.
Well, you didn't pay.

Ah, but if I didn't pay,
Why are you arguing? - aha - got you.
No, you haven't.
Yes, I have.
If you're arguing, I must have paid.

Not necessarily.
I could be arguing in my spare time.

Oh, I've had enough of this.
No, you haven't.
Oh, shut up