Lyrics:

(Uh, thanks. Umm...welcome to my show; it's called, 'If You Sing Along I'll Fucking Kill You.' Uh, this is a song.)

Everytime I go to dinner,
It seems like I'm getting a little bit thinner.
I'll sit down at the breakfast table.
I can talk; they're not able.
When I look at them I find
There's a single question on their mind.
I wish it could go back to the way it was.
It's not easy now because...

My whole family thinks I'm gay.
I guess it's always been that way.
Maybe its 'cause of the way that I walk
That makes them think I like.... boys,
That I like boys.

The goddamn question just wont go away.
And, I get asked it every single day.
But, the way they ask is not a disguise,
Like 'How was your day? Do you like to kiss guys?' (That's...funny)
This is the worst; baby, this was my fear.
Now, their opinions are crystal-clear because....

My whole family now is shocked.
I'm in the closet, and the door is locked.
Now my glory days are gone.
I was John Elway; now I'm Elton John.

My whole family now suspects
That watching Spongebob had side-effects.
I'm not gay, and that's what I said.
If I'm gay, hey God, strike me dead....

Just 'cause I'm afraid of the snow,
Or my favorite color is: the rainbow.
I don't mean to yell, but I fear I must
'Cause I'm losing the people that I thought I could trust.

Because.... even my boyfriend thinks I'm gay.... motherfucker.

You all probably think I'm gay.
Man, this song is counterproductive....
la la la la la....

Because.... my whole family thinks I'm gay.
What do they know anyway?
You gotta look right through the haze.
Easy-Bake Oven was just a phase.

My whole family thinks I'm queer.
That is all I ever hear,
But I've been as straight as a ramp,
If you dont count Bible camp.